Get kids to listen without nagging, reminding, or yelling!
Our kids are our biggest gift, but they can also drive us nuts with their misbehavior. We often use punishment methods to make them behave and do what we ask. But does it really work? With blame, shame, and punishment, we set up an environment that almost guarantees kids will lie to avoid that blame and shame in the future. The child has free will, and it is their voice that tries to speak loud. Parents often lose their control in the power buttle and start to raise their voice, make an angry face, and talk through teeth with eyes rolling out… We can all lose our temper and feel guilty about that when we all calm down. Feels like we are a failure and worth parents ever. So, what do we do to get our kids to listen to us without yelling?
Here are the 5 rules method that can help you to get under control of this real struggle:
- Respectful voice: we shall wait for 10-15 min when the anger is gone, and we are all come down to discuss their behavior. We will not get anything if we start pointing out all misbehaviors, while the child is angry and argues.
- A consequence that is related to a child´s misbehavior. F.ex if a child does not want to use a cycler helmet then there will be no bicycle. If a child does not turn off the screen, then there will be no video game. Don´t use consequences that are not related to misbehaviors as it feels unfair and very wrong to the child.
- Reveal in advance a consequence for the misbehavior, so the child will be warned and aware of consequences and will not have a big surprise.
- Ask your child to repeat a new rule and make a verbal agreement, so you are all on the same page. Without this, you do not have an agreement. You child shall say it loud.
- Remember to keep your consequence every time! If you do not do that every time your child misbehaved, it will not work! Our children are very smart little people, and they can feel that immitigably that you do not keep your consequences anyway and they can take over you!
Remember to stay focused on the behavior and leave the feelings alone. The irony is that your child will respect you more if you remain calm and enforce your rules consistently in the long run. We, as parents, have obligation to set up rules and limits, we shall be their teaches and coaches to prepare them for their adult lives.
We hope that can be helpful for you!